Even after all these years on this journey of self-acceptance, of choosing to allow myself to unfold instead of trying to shape myself, of letting the wisest parts of me lead the scared little ones, I still find myself tempted, yearning, not to be in this place, in this moment, in the present, and in this configuration of my life.
It’s a familiar feeling! If I am sitting to meditate, I am tempted to get up and do something. And when I am doing things, I want to sit down and be still. And, often, I am striving for, desiring things that are contradictory: wanting more opportunities to work with more clients that I love and, at the same time, wanting more time to do things that have nothing to do with my work, like reading and taking walks and sleeping. Those yearnings drive me. I do things because of them, I think things because of them.
But, by some grace, I have identified the underlying belief (that is deeply held in my psyche as an individual, but also deeply held in our culture) that if I don’t yearn, don’t strive, don’t reach, don’t push myself— then I’m going to be stuck, I’m going to be static, and that is REALLY bad. That will feel terrible to experience, but beyond that, to be static, not growing or striving or moving towards something means I don’t deserve respect, that I am a sad being, disgusting, even. I am someone I would look down on. I don’t deserve respect from myself, let alone others.
Of course, my logical mind knows that’s not true. But that underlying, deeply held belief is shaping my behaviors, my thoughts, and even the way that I try to meditate.
Perhaps this is also the case for you. So here is a tapping sequence that I used to release that belief and the pattern it created.
Before you begin, (from 0 to 10) rate how strongly you believe that you don’t deserve respect if you aren’t striving for more.
(You can brush up on the Tapping Points on this chart.)
Tapping on the karate chop and repeating 3 times: Even though I’ve had this deeply held belief that if I am not striving or pushing myself, then I’m not growing, and therefore I’m not worthy of respect and admiration from others or myself, I love and accept myself, and give myself permission to release this belief.
A Round of Recognizing the Issue:
Between the eyes: I’ve had this deeply held belief in my own being, that’s also in the culture around me, that I have to strive in order to deserve respect and acceptance.
Side of the eyes: I must strive if I want respect and admiration
Under the eye: This belief that I must strive to deserve respect and acceptance
Under the nose: Everything in my culture supports this belief that I have to push myself, reach for things, I have to try to be more, grow more, progress
Chin: If I don’t strive, or push myself, if I don’t progress, I will be stuck, static
Collarbone: I make myself feel this disgust in my belly, that curls my lip
Under arm: If I am stuck, I am disgusting, undeserving, unworthy
Ribs: If I am not pushing myself, trying for something more, looking in a different place than here, yearning, striving, growing, if I am not progressing, I am unworthy
Top of the head: I have had this deeply held belief that is echoed and supported throughout my culture, that I have to be striving and growing and pushing myself, trying, being unsatisfied, otherwise, I am unworthy
A Round of Release:
Between the eyes: I give myself permission to release this belief
Side of eye: Releasing this belief that I am not worthy if I am not striving, from every muscle, every nerve, every tissue, every cell in my body
Under eye: releasing it entirley from my body
Under nose: releasing this erroneous belief that unless I strive I am always pushing, then I am unworthy- releasing it from my psyche, from my energy field
Chin: Letting it go completely
Collarbone: Releasing all the judgments, energy patterns, habits coming from this erroneous belief.
Under arms: I choose now to completely release and let go of every trace of this erroneous belief that I am unworthy if I am not striving
Top of head: I am now fully and completely releasing from every part of my energy field, including every tissue in my body, the erroneous belief that if I am not pushing myself and striving and reaching and yearning and trying for something, that I am unworthy
A Transformational Round
Between the eyes: I’m grateful to acknowledge that growth and change happens even in spite of me, there’s no way for me to stay static because I am alive
Side of the eye: I am grateful to acknowledge that I am enough exactly as I am in this moment, and this moment, and this moment.
Under the eye: I am worthy of my own love and respect
Under the nose: I don’t have to do anything to love myself and respect myself and accept myself as I am
Chin: I deserve acceptance, respect , and love from others, regardless how much I strive or not.
Collarbone: I can grow, I can chart a path for myself consciously, if I desire to, but I don’t have to do this
Under arm: Because I am enough exactly as I am
Ribs: I am enough exactly as I am, free to love myself, respect myself and accept myself as I choose my path consciously, shape my life consciously, free of self-judgment.
Top of the head: I am so grateful that I get to chart a path for myself and choose what I want to bring into this now moment, through effort or without it, independently of any need to prove myself, because I am worthy of my own love, respect and acceptance, no matter what I do, because I exist.
Now, how strongly do you rate the belief that you have to strive to deserve respect? Did you have “yes, but” thoughts? Share what happened for you!
Free of the compulsion to strive, what would you like to put your energy into now?