Unbelievably, 2016 is coming to an end, and with that end comes the opportunity to reflect back on the year and harvest all the gifts and lessons it holds for us. Sometimes that seems easy and fun, and sometimes not so much.
This year felt very hard to me at times, so I wasn’t fully eager to look back. But I gave myself some time to let the groaning, complainy (apparently adolescent) part of me have her say. Then I gave her sweet tea and music that makes her feel good, and I picked a purple pen for the colorful pages of a beautiful notebook. Then I did a quieting meditation, I lit a candle, and called in my Wisest Self to speak to me (and to her) through my writing.
What she wrote is very personal and raw, and sharing it here is scary for me. But I am sharing it because I hope it inspires you to engage your Wisest Self. (And because I have learned that when it feels a little scary to reveal something about my Self, to myself or others, it’s often because I am attached to something that doesn’t really serve me, like the image that I always have it all together. Ha!)
So this is the letter I received from my Wisdom:
Dearest, lovely Andrea.
What a year this has been!
You went from pushing yourself madly, desperately, almost half-crazed with fear, to pulling back completely because you recognized you were squeezing rocks in a parched landscape and there was no moisture to be found.
As soon as you let go of your attachments, especially your fear of being perceived a specific way, you began to find support and “moisture.” You did well, maintaining your integrity, recognizing that it was time to wait and let yourself recover, hard as that felt at the time.
And you discovered that the void was filled effortlessly. You said it was the Universe giving you space to step back. That’s true. But it’s also just the way things work: if you make space, Life will fill it. If you are open to possibilities, they will arise.
You are also right in that the path is built by walking: you move, take action. But do it at a pace that allows for awe and amazement, for attentiveness and Presence. Otherwise, how will you be able to discern the messages you say you are listening for?
In a way, you could say you are back where you started, feeling your way blindly. Only, now it feels good again.
You have learned, if you don’t strain for opportunities, they can come to you. Make space for them, remember.
And enjoy what you are taken up with, listening to your Guidance about what to do. There’s no need to rush things or set agendas independently of curiosity and excitement welling up within you. Focus on cultivating them, instead of your agendas.
Live life now, as if it were the real thing, the time to be experienced and enjoyed, because it is. It always is.
I offer you peace and joy, with so much love,
You can hear from your Wisdom, too, if you give yourself the space and quiet time. Maybe, like me, you need to give the parts that resist the exercise some acknowledgement and love, whatever your version of tea and colorful paper are. Then quiet your thoughts and your let your energy settle, do some breathwork or a visualization and when you are ready, call on and intend that your Wisdom will speak. And just start writing: Dear (your name), and let the rest come without giving it much thought. May this be a fruitful, loving gift to yourself.
Let me know how it goes! I know I will be coming back to this letter often in the next year, to keep me centered in my truth.