Yay! I am writing at Lake Michigan again. At last it is warm enough (okay— just not cold) to bear sitting on the rocks and feeling the breeze. This is a new spot, though, and I am in the shade of a tall beech tree, noticing a tangle of what initially looked like dry seaweed or twigs on the rock. Upon closer inspection, I realized there are thick ropes of branches amidst the twigs. So, these are actually roots. A thick web of them, holding the sand and the rocks at the water’s edge.
They remind me of the web of the thoughts and beliefs we have about ourselves and the world, our mindset; holding everything together; keeping us standing tall, nourished, strong. Our thoughts are enmeshed, entangled. Like with the roots, it seems fruitless to try to extract any single one.
I think of Lisa (not her real name), who could not allow herself to be in a group of people. Her son, who lives overseas, was coming for a visit and there would surely be visitors and parties. He had not arrived yet, but she was already suffering at the thought of being a part of these events: of her physical discomfort and emotional strain— and the thought of avoiding the events to save herself that pain, but feeling despair at missing out. Her deepest wisdom was urging her to consider going, yet the prospect was excruciating. She actually said she would prefer to hurt herself physically, than be there!
So we picked one thing to work on: how scary it felt to be in a roomful of people. And, like the tangled, enmeshed root system I am looking at as I write, as we cleared the energy around this fearful prospect, others came up, too, all scary and looming:
What if, at the party, no one spoke to her while they were all engaged with each other?
What if someone did speak to her and she didn’t know what to say?
What if people didn’t ignore her, but were thinking about how awkward she was?
What if people expected her to play with a child and it cried at the sight of her?
What if she felt the urge to use the bathroom and didn’t get there in time?
Working on clearing this fear of going to a party meant working on fear of inadequacy, of being judged, of being unable to control her bodily functions. It took some doing to make a dent in the issue, but Linda was able to be present at a few social events with her son. Although, admittedly, she didn’t love the experience, she certainly didn’t suffer through it!
Fortunately, often, the tangle of the mindset is not so thick.
Today, I thought I would do something different and offer you a gift of a tapping (EFT) script, instead of my usual questions.
Lisa is not the only one who can feel awkward in social situations, so here is a script about changing that.
If you have not tried EFT or Tapping before, it is based on psychology and acupressure, and it is a powerful, effective way of consciously changing feelings and thoughts and clearing blocks from our subconscious mind. There’s a diagram that you can follow here. You use your fingertips to tap on the points pictured, while reading through the script below.
Think of a specific incident (in the past or future) that you can refer to as you go through the script and feel free to substitute “social situations” in the script for a more appropriate reference to the incident you are thinking of.
Tapping Script: Feeling Awkward in Social Situations
On a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 is no intensity and 10 is maximum possible intensity, how awkward and uncomfortable do you feel about the incident or situation you are working on? This is the number you will compare to after tapping through the script.
Repeat this Setup phrase three times, as you tap on the karate chop point: Even though I feel awkward and uncomfortable in social situations, I love and accept myself, deeply and completely. (Say this even if you don’t fully love and accept yourself, think of it as part of the formula.)
Tap 6-7 times on each point while reading the script for it and feeling it as much as possible.
Eyebrow: I feel awkward in these social situations.
Side of the eye: I don’t know what to do with myself in these social situations.
Under the eye: I don’t feel like myself, I feel awkward and uncomfortable.
Under the nose: These social situations make me feel tense and uncomfortable.
Chin: I feel awkward.
Collarbone: I feel awkward and uncomfortable.
Under arm: My body tenses and I can’t relax in these situations.
Rib: These social situations are stressful, I feel awkward and uncomfortable.
Top of the head: Even though I feel so awkward and uncomfortable in these social situations, I love and accept myself deeply and completely.
Eyebrow: I give myself permission to relax my body and breathe deeply.
Side of the eye: I give myself permission to release the awkwardness and discomfort of social situations.
Under the eye: I choose to release the tension and discomfort in social situations.
Under the nose: Releasing awkwardness, tension, discomfort.
Chin: I release my limiting thoughts and feelings of discomfort in social situations.
Collarbone: I give myself permission to feel relaxed in social situations.
Under arm: I choose to feel relaxed and at ease in social situations.
Rib: I choose to be relaxed, at ease, comfortable in my body in social situations.
Top of the head: I choose to feel at ease and have fun in social situations!
Repeat Step 1 and compare the number you get now to the one you did the first time.
Was this helpful? Would you like to see more tapping scripts in my e-zine? What topics would you like me to cover? Let me know!
And if social awkwardness or the thing you would like to release in your mindset is enmeshed and entangled with many other things, and you would like help shifting the energy patterns on them all, let’s set up a time to talk about how I can help!
Photos: Tree by Andrea Friedmann, Party by Leeroy.ca, Kite by A-K Rehse